friendships and selfishness

Arroyo Vista House Assistants 08-09

 It recently has hit me how hard it really is to keep long distance friendships.

I'm all the way in Ohio and obviously have no way to see all my Cali friends as much as I possibly could (although if I was rich, I would totally fly back every weekend for you guys!). But even Facebook can't help keep a friendship together with distance in the way. I've always thought of myself as the type of person that will always keep in touch with my really good friends. However, with grad school keeping me focused on criminal justice topics 24/7, I can't seem to find the time to call/text/write to EVERYONE I want to keep in touch with.

This is a really difficult concept for me to grasp. I understand the reality of it but it depresses me. After high school, I stopped being the initiator of friendship maintenance... I got so tired of being the only one who seemed to actually give a shit about staying friends, so I just stopped with people who seemed not to care. But with my UCI friends, it's so different. These people have seen me grow mentally, emotionally, and intellectually in those 4 years. They're a part of my family. Yet, I can't seem to close the emotional gap between me and some of them. People are moving to different states and countries and I'm certain I won't be seeing some of them ever again. It's such a depressing statement but it's the truth. Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy for them. I'm so glad that they're growing in their own ways and creating their own journeys! I simply can't help being selfish and wanting to keep them in my life. I know, I know.. "Lyds, you can always call them or skype them, or bla bla bla.."

But I'm not talking about keeping in touch with your best friends.. yes, we know those people will be in your life forever until the day you die. I'm talking about the good friends that were a part of your undergrad life and you would want to keep them around throughout your life, but too many factors stand between your motivation to do so and your capabilities of doing so. You know, those who have gone on 3am $1 Jack in the Box taco runs with you, those that pulled your hair back when you were "sick," those who fell asleep in lecture with you, those who laughed at the dumbest jokes with you, those who maintained your sanity during finals week, those who ran and hugged you on Ring Road, those who texted you about the cute guy they saw walk through Aldrich Park, those you took naps in the Student Center with. Those people. 

I miss you guys.

Despite the sadness of this post, which probably makes you want to just live in a closet and not befriend anyone, I've gained some amazing friends during my first quarter at UC. More than I could have ever possibly imagined. I'm so grateful for them, but then again, after grad school, then what? Everyone will go their separate ways too.... Life is just an endless cycle of short-term friendships, but it's the friends that touch your lives the most that you should never forget about. Wow.. I feel like that should be a famous quote or something.